Just One More Time
by pyrrhic pixie
Summary: Doubt. Loneliness. Fear. Strength. Weakness. Not a typical Hermione tragedy. R for suicide. ONE SHOT R&R!


Disclaimer: I'm only doing this once. If it looks familiar, it isn't mine.  
  
**Just One More Time - pyrrhic pixie**

Hermione stepped into the tub slowly and stared at the shard of glass in her hand. She turned it slowly, admiring the way it caught the moonlight. She looked at herself in the piece of the mirror she had just smashed in rage.  
  
She wondered if she should just do it, like she wanted to. Maybe she should just end it now.  
  
She had never cut herself before, and had never planned on starting. But after today?she didn't know if she could make it to midnight, like they had planned.  
  
She glanced at the clock on the wall: 11:27. It was only thirty minutes, but somehow, it seemed like an eternity.  
  
She wasn't a self-pitying, suicidal little girl. No, she was strong. She didn't tell herself that she deserved better, that she was doing this because it would make everybody happy.  
  
That was an excuse reserved for the weak people, the ones that had no real explanation, no real reason to do it.  
  
She, on the other hand, was doing this because she was sick and tired of listening to Harry and Ron and the other Gryffindors tell her what was right and what was wrong...tired of hearing them tell her who she was.  
  
She was doing it to punish them, because she was simply not willing to deal with it anymore. And because that in Heaven, there is true love, challenged by none.  
  
If they missed her (which they wouldn't, she was sure), it would be their own fault. The note on her dresser conveyed that quite clearly:  
  
_To Harry and Ron—  
While I highly doubt that you will miss me, or even notice that I am gone, I have taken the courtesy to compose this letter of goodbye to you.  
It is because of you and the rest of the student population at Hogwarts (mainly the ones in our year) that have brought this fate upon me, and upon yourselves. I no longer wish to continue this life, if this is, indeed, what life is about.  
I ask you now to hold some form of reverence for me. If you cannot comply to my only wish, then let guilt consume you, for you shall deserve it, if things come to that.  
While you have driven me to this point, I will not say that I did not enjoy my times with you, however trivial they were.  
  
Most solemnly and sincerely,  
Hermione Granger_  
  
She sighed deeply and sat up, casting the shard of glass aside. She had made a promise?one that she was obligated to keep.  
  
She dried off and changed into the simple white gown they had agreed on and settled down on her bed, anxiously waiting for the next thirty minutes to pass.  
  
...  
  
11:57. She was just on time.  
  
Hermione smiled as she saw him walking towards him, and soft smile gracing his lips.  
  
"Hey," he greeted her casually, and placed a gently kiss on her lips.  
  
"Hey." She took his hand in hers and walked with him to the edge of the building. They were standing on the astronomy tower, looking down hundreds of feet.  
  
"It's a long fall," he whispered. "Are you sure about this?"  
  
Hermione nodded firmly. "Of course I am." She pulled back and looked up at him. "You do, don't you? You don't want to?not do this, right?"  
  
He smiled down at her. "I'm willing to do anything to be with you."  
  
Hermione reached up and placed another kiss on his lips. "I love you so much."  
  
"Mmm, I love you too," he whispered against her lips.  
  
Only seconds later, the minister apparated in front of them. "Do you have the rings?"  
  
Hermione nodded. They had agreed to marry immediately beforehand, so that the world would recognize their love for one another.  
  
And in ten minutes, they were officially married.  
  
"I'm sorry I can't take you on a honeymoon or make love to you or grow old with you," he whispered into her hair.  
  
Hermione embraced him, and a stray tear trickled down her face. "Me too," she replied softly. "But we'll be together forever." She looked up at him, her arms still around his waist. "I just?I love you so much, and I don't think I'll ever not love you." She laughed bitterly. "I suppose that I always have loved you, really."  
  
He bent down and kissed her forcefully. "It doesn't matter, because we're together now, and we'll be together forever."  
  
She took a deep breath and nodded, and they approached the edge together.  
  
As she looked up at him for one last gaze, the door to the roof flew open, and two disheveled teenagers ran forward. "Hermione, no!"  
  
They watched with wide eyes and open mouths as their friend fell backwards, her fingers interlaced with her new husband's.  
  
As she fell, she realized that she never meant to punish them. This wasn't a punishment for them?it was an escape for her. She was in love, and she wanted that love preserved and unchallenged.  
  
And this was the way.  
  
And she smiled, knowing that the pain was over.  
  
...  
  
A year later, Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley stood at the gravesite of their best friend, Hermione Granger.  
  
Harry looked up at his friend. "A year," he whispered, his voice choked. "She's been gone a whole year."  
  
Ron nodded, tears in his eyes. "I just?wish that we could have stopped her. I want to see her just once—just one more time—to tell her I'm sorry."  
  
Harry smiled at Ron, a tear falling onto the roses he had just placed on the grave. "I think she knows, Ron. And she's happy?I can feel her here, just watching us."  
  
Ron nodded. "I'm going to leave, Harry. It's just?it's hard."  
  
Harry nodded and patted his friend on the shoulder. "I know it is."  
  
After Ron had left, Harry looked up at the statue before him that marked her grave. "We miss you Herm, we really do. And?your letter?" He pulled a letter, folded up into a small square, out of his pocket and unfolded it. "I don't know what I can do to let you know that we care?I care. A lot."  
  
He sighed, tears spilling down his face. "We miss you so, so much, and I don't think you'll ever really know, and I just want to see you, just once, to tell you that we understand." He shook his head. "Hell, that's not why. I just want to see you, Hermione! I want to see your beautiful face and I want to tell you that I will never meet a girl like you ever again."  
  
He smiled sadly and looked down at the base of the statue, where two inscriptions were carved. "Take care of her, Malfoy," he whispered, and he left, but not before placing another rose beneath the grave of his enemy.  
  
Because he knew that Hermione would've wanted that. 


End file.
